As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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