JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
