So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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