He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
