and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
