that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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