So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
