I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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