um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
