Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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