If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
