Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
