Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
