it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
