Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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