she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
