you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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