i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
