Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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