I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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