we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
