On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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