So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
