opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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