The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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