I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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