I met the friendliest cop last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
