I think my vagina is haunted
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
