When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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