If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
