Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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