I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
