The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
