my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
