i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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