i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i've created a new STD.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
