Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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