dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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