And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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