Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
