Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you still have your period?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
