New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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