No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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