We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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