the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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