I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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