people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
