I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
