i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
