i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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