She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
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