I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
