i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
