So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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