Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
