i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We're too hungover to prance.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why are your pants in the freezer?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
