I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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