im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
