thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
