Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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