Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
