you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
