This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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