I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
