So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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