you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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