Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
